Can't Forget, Can't Forgive
by Allagenda-domsitzers-chan
Summary: Existence Part 2. After the nightmare becomes true, Gumi decides to do something highly insane- change the past. But everyone knows that meddling with time is a very dangerous thing... What will happen? What will be the consequence for her mistake this time? Also the sequel to MCWAMB. I know, hate me. Blegh. I get it. But read before you murder me, please.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- A Broken Heart Beats On

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:3 (I'm supposed to be writing Chappy 28 on MCWaMB right now, but I really wanna get to this, as I've hit an impasse there... .-.

EDIT: Okay, finished the stuff! :) I just thought it out a bit better.

Blegh. Must do another stupid disclaimer...

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gumi, Piko, Miku, Rin, Kaito, Miki, Oliver, or any other of the characters. I only own Nemanon, Gumi's last name in this series, and the plotline. This is based off of 'My Crush Was a Monster Boy' by Gumi Megpoid.

Enjoy.

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The low, periodic beeping.

It continues.

Like my heart.

It continues to beat, but it's broken.

This machine, old, cracked, filthy...

...still works.

Like it's supposed to.

But it doesn't have any of its former glory.

Like my heart.

It's just blankly going on in hopes of shorting one day and breaking for good.

Like my heart.

My eyes shut, flashing the bloody, heart-breaking scene that happened last night.

I honestly blame myself for it all.

After I'd started wailing, the police sirens had begun to sound somewhere. I'd felt numerous hands on me, murmurs of pointless, empty words.

I can't run anymore.

It was because I ran that this happened.

It's all my fault.

I remember the last day of summer... what, three months or so ago?

I've lost track.

I remember feeling like this, blank and empty.

What's the point of going on?

I don't see one...

..Unless it's to amend for what I've done.

Then, the door to the room opens, revealing Miku, Rin, and Kaito. Miku's got these green flowers that she calls 'Mithakias', or, as it sounds like, 'Mythahkeys.'

Apparently she made them herself.

Rin, wearing her lavender rose necklace, is carrying some yellow roses. Kaito, who's last in, is holding a few lavender flowers.

I smile weakly before dropping back into blank emotionlessness.

Miku sighs and plops into the chair next to me.

"Gumi, you need to stop beating yourself up. If I have to, I'll put you in reddish violet," she threatens. The color, for some reason, clashes with my hair so horribly, it made someone who was on the other side of the shop scream.

And it's not an idle threat.

I sigh, but I don't reply.

"Here," Rin says quietly. She takes all of their flowers and sets them on the table next to the bed.

I stare. Within Miku's Mithakias is a single, pure white daisy.

Suddenly, before my eyes, it begins to darken. It goes from white to black within moments, before dissolving into ashes, which vanish.

I blink, then realise I was just imagining it.

Or it was a hallucination.

Then, Kaito sits down on the empty bed, falling onto it with a groan.

"Mii-chan, let her be. She's got her boyfriend on the bed, because he was chasing her, and she's going to blame herself. The more you push, the less likely she'll come out."

"How do you know?"

"Because, I tried to do it to a friend once. She was just devastated. Her mom and her sister had just died, like, the previous night. They'd gotten hit by a drunk driver because she asked for them to come pick her up. She blamed herself, and maybe a portion of the blame was on her. But there shouldn't be idiots driving drunk on the road, so the driver who hit them got a huge part of the blame, if not most of it. It took her months to recover, and I'd just decided to let her be. She recovered really fast, even if she wasn't the same."

"Is it... Mayu?"

"No, this was IA. Her mum, Miziki, and her sister, Luka, had died. She still had Lily and Miriam, though. Miriam wasn't a sister, just a close friend. I could see that you were about to ask."

"Wait... Lily? That's my mom."

"Lily and Mizzi. Nemanons, the both of them. Stubborn. I can see why you have it. Anyways, Mayu wasn't even born then. She's supposed to be around your guys' age right now, too. And her mum was Galaco, not Mizzi. And I'll be surprised if she turns out bad, what with Leon as her dad."

"Miziki's my grandma, and she's dead, isn't she?"

"No, she's still burning the midnight oil. Damn strong, too. Nearly killed me when I knocked on her door." Rin snorted.

"More like tortured you. She totally did this awesome set of moves, ninja style, and Kaito looked like this huge idiot. She couldn't believe it was him."

"Wait, you went to Miziki without _me?_" Then, Rin looked away and put on a highly innocent expression, whistling in a high pitch. Kaito flushed and looked down.

"Well, no wonder you nearly got _killed_, only I'm allowed on premises nowadays." Kaito blinked, then groaned and slammed his head against the empty nightstand by the empty bed.

"I didn't ask you because you would have killed me slower."

"Honey, I brought you back from the dead. Forget it, I'd torture you, make sure not to kill you, and hide your blood in a bathtub." He shuddered, Rin giggled, and Miku smiled cruelly, making Kaito pale and Rin burst out laughing.

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I stood by the mirror, looking in.

It was the first time I'd really looked at my reflection in weeks.

My eyes were hardened, almost cold. Their blue parts looked like crystal-hard sapphires, and the black areas looked like bottomless pits.

My hair was straight, dull, limp, a deeper shade of green than it had been last year. It was a bit longer, but not much.

I touched one of the scars by the corner of my right eye. it looked like a teardrop.

I touched, one by one, every scar on my body.

I counted exactly one hundred sixty eight.

It was almost sad.

I touched my worn headband, which looked even more realistic than ever, having lost of little cuts and scratches.

Somewhere in my face, I read the general expression of quiet insanity.

Somewhere.

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	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Can't Remember

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A/N: Man, I am on a roll today! Nearly 5 chappies in one day... maybe this is the 6th or 5th... XP

You should know what I own.

Enjooooy...

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I jumped as suddenly, something shattered. I stood, wary, until I realized nothing had really happened.

Then, I felt, for some reason, a part of my heart fade. It was a small, important part, I knew, but what was it?

It frightened me.

Then, Piko stirred. I was over him in an instant, back in another instant.

Then, over our link, I felt horrible pain.

His pain.

I cried out with him, then decided to do something immensely stupid.

I reached in and transferred all his pain to me.

It broke that piece of my heart...

...which was the link.

For a moment, all seemed frozen. Then, the pain doubled, and I collapsed, screaming, memories that weren't mine flashing in front of me.

Then, just as suddenly as it started, it all ended.

With an odd, painful sensation on my back.

I ignored that and staggered over to Piko, who was blinking incomprehensibly.

"Piko?" Then, his eyes focused in on me, confused. For a small moment, I was slightly relieved, then my heart stopped at his words.

"Who are you?"

I didn't just remove his pain...

...I removed everything that caused them, even the smallest links.

Including a lot of his memory, probably most of it.

Then, the pain intensified, making me wince, and my wings retract.

Then, he blinked, looking behind me.

I realized why when I rethought my thought process from a few seconds ago.

Having transferred his pain to me, I'd also transferred something that worried me in my haste.

The link itself was nonexistent, because I'd literally just placed the entire burden on my shoulders, in full.

These white wings won't be the last of it.

I feel like I've both done a good thing and I've just been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

My face is red, tears threaten to come up, and I want to run.

"Gumi," I finally muttered, close to sobbing.

"I'm-"

"I know." Then, he nodded, almost as if he'd just remembered. My wings folded, and my entire body trembled with the frustration and pent up tears.

"Why..."

"I did something stupid," I mumbled, shuffling my feet and not looking at him.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I transferred all your pains to me, so, in short, it was something stupid."

"My pains?" Then, I felt every memory flash by again. I can't wait much longer, or I'll break down here.

"Your worries... which, the stupidest of which, was worrying about me." Then, I spun and ran out the door, using my wings to balance as I sped through the halls, out the doors and into the day, before collapsing on the side of the building, hidden in the shadows.

_What have I done?_ Then, I cried out in pain as it rebounded doubly within me, almost like a bouncy ball springing off a wall a million times.

I grabbed my hair, pulled, and screamed and sobbed. _I've done the stupidest thing..._Then, I curled up, my wings around me.

_...that nobody else could screw up like I can._ I shook, cried, but refrained from screaming again.

Here is my true punishment.

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"Gumi? What happened-"

"Let me in."

"Why are you wearing-"

"Let me in. This isn't a public discussion." Miku nods, then admits me into her place.

It's mostly coloured a warm green, giving everything a drowsily sharp feeling.

To attract less attention, I wore a large, draping coat. It was getting colder, so I suppose I'm lucky I didn't wear something else.

"Gumi..." She shut the door.

"Anyone else here?"

"Rin, Kaito. Both of them are playing Twister over... there." She pointed, where Kaito and Rin were doing Twister. Rin was holding the spinner, grinning evilly.

"Right foot, green." Hers slid into a spot easily, whereas Kaito was stuck, and then, he screwed up, making the both of them fall. Rin burst out laughing, as Kaito groaned.

"Damn, Rin, you can't be fair with that thing for once?"

"No." He groaned again, not getting up.

"Hey! Guys!" Miku walks in, then picks up Kaito by the ear- the latter screaming and whining- then motions for Rin. They come back out to me, then Miku drops Kaito on an armchair, taking a seat on the couch she owns, with Rin.

"So, Gumi... what is it?" I stand up, then take off the coat and spread my wings, feeling highly stupid again.

Kaito swears, Rin falls off her chair, and Miku seems suspended between crying and running away.

Then, she hesitantly walks forwards, then gently touches one of the bones that are visible. She's very near to tears now.

"Gumi... it's this close?" I know what she means.

"No. It's gone." Kaito swears again, whereas Rin, who has returned to her chair, looks confused. She fingers her necklace, then her expression brightens as she realizes what we're referencing.

"Gone? But how-"

"I did... something stupid. I removed all of the things that were hurting him... and some- most- of those were memories." Then, Rin blinks, then gasps.

"You seriously took it all away? But that's, like, nearly impossible, even with the odds of your link being firmer than diamond, and his pain being minimal! It's likely you just removed what was paining him then, but he might have more pain now!" Everyone turned to look at Rin, who blushed furiously.

"What? I study," she muttered, then kicked her feet at the floor. Miku rolled her eyes.

"Still... Rin's right, your bond would have to be immaculate..."

"It was, even before the verdict and the... other events. It was after I got interrogated."

"Really? It's that strong?"

"Was. Now, because I literally transferred our entire link to myself, it shattered."

"Wha..._shattered_?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, then felt like I was in a place where I was just in existence to answer questions but to get none of mine replied to with an actual answer.

Now I know what that shatter was.

Then, I felt small tears.

Rin fingered her necklace, and sighed dreamily.

Then, a bright, whitish yellow light exploded in the middle of the room, quickly expanding. I felt like I'd just unintentionally asked a wrong request, as the light seemed to be pulling us all towards it. I kept my wings shut, but it didn't help much. Then, I fell into that dark world that I was so familiar with.

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	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Changes can be Kiseki

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A/N: Bleghh. I'm sleep-deprived. Bear with me.

I also have a busted lip and exhaustion from sugar.

You should know this, geez! Get a life!

Enjoy.

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I blinked. I was still falling, but the world of black was slowly tranfroming into a white one, and it was the opposite of dark only a few moments later.

Time seemed to stop, then I slowed in my descent and landed on some flat, white surface. I looked around, a bit scared of what would happen.

Then, out of the white, came his voice.

"Yeah, it was really stupid, but I'll let it go for right now." And there he is. I feel both highly confused and very scared, before walking up in front of him, then lightly touching him.

It's as realistic as you can get.

I embrace him, holding on tightly.

"You... I thought I..."

"No. You simply transferred- on total accident- my own consciousness into your body, so it's sort of... how do you put it.. I'm like your new, secondary conscience. Right now, it's like I've just gotten back from the DR, and nobody else but you can see me. So if you talk to me,it'll have to be in your mind, and you can't touch me there, as I'll just look like I'm standing beside you. But right now, I can only truly contact you when you fall asleep of unconscious, like this. Otherwise, my body itself will be a hallucination, although I'll still control it." I nod, still holding him.

"But... what happened just..."

"Well, you saw. Rin's necklace was a link to somewhere else. It was both pushing someone out and pulling someone in. Where it'll send us, I have no idea."

"Wait... pushing someone out?"

"Sort of like kicking them out. This portal is sort of like the Metro, you get it?" I nod, instantly understanding.

"So... what do.. we do when we get there?"

"I plan to alter the course of its travel if it goes too far. Right now, it's straight on track."

"To where?"

He didn't answer, but continued to watch the whiteness. I had a strange sense that I didn't want to know where we were headed, and for once I obeyed it and shut up.

"How can you, well, alter its course?"

"Simple. Watch." Then, he seemingly swiped at midair, only for the place to turn black with blue streaks of light flying by. Another swipe and it went back to white.

"I just made it turn." Then, I swiped. It went back to the black with blue lights, then I swiped again to make it go back to white.

"Cool," I whispered, then reached out my hand, which touched a part of the whiteness. I was confused. This place had limits?

"Like all others, even like amusement parks, it has limits. You can't go past that area, so it's blocking you."

"What about you? Could you go through it?"

"I can, because right now, I'm the main driver. Really, it's just something to keep you from falling out of the protal, because it would drag me with you, whereas if I fell out, I'd just get dragged back to you. It's a bit stupid."

"But... could I break it, if this got really unsteady?"

"The portal, you mean? Yeah, I guess you could, but it'll just put you somewhere you're not supposed to be, like three-thousand and four."

"Ohh... but, you never answered my other question, what will we do when we get there?"

"You. I'll be pretty much non-existant, as I'll be... just, you'll see. I don't want to say it now, but... still. Just wait."

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(Third Omniscent Miku PoV)

After the light faded, Miku heard Rin gasp, and then a bit of shuffling. She opened her eyes, trying to see past the blinding white.

When it finally cleared, Miku could see Rin hugging a boy with blond hair that was more yellow than hers- messy bangs, swung up in a ponytail- and he was exactly the same height as Rin. For some odd reason, Kaito gaped.

"That is not possible! There can't be two Kagamines running around!" Both of them grinned. Instantly Miku bit her lip.

"I think it's possible, Kaito..."

"Yep! Miku, Kaito, this is Len. Len.." She blushed as he whispered something in her ear.

"Wait, where's Gumi? Did she just run off?" Miku realised that the greenette had been gone, so she stood up and looked, as Kaito blinked, Rin whipped around, and Len mirroring her movements.

"Wait... you don't think..." Rin was staring, with a pale face, at Len, who paled after he caught at her meaning.

"I did feel something else... another tear in the fabric..."

"She... was thrown in?"

"I suppose so, but I can't go back now, I've got that two day ban thing, remember-""What's going on?" Miku couldn't wait any longer, so she pursed her lips and waited impatiently for a response. Both blondes bit their lips and looked at each other with identical unease, before turning to Miku."Gumi's somewhere...""Within the beginning of Time...""Headed to an unknown place...""At an unknown time...""In other words, she's been thrown..."" Into the portal that I just created."Kaito blinked. "Can't only people who are being contacted by a time-rifter go there?""Well, no, if their future self was a time-rifter.""If Gumi's future self contacted her, then it'd make sense.""She did," Miku pointed out, still feeling slightly impatient, but this time, worry clashed with it.

"So she's likely floating aimlessly in Time," they said in unison.

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	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Forget The Plans

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A/N: Blegghhh. I'm totally lost for material of proloning this part of the story right now, so let's hurry. By now, I should be waiting a day before I update, as these are long chappys.

Oh yeah, and SEGA reviewed my question to publish this series with:

"Hello, We never give explicit permission to use our intellectual property. We reserve the right to take necessary actions when our properties are used inappropriately, maligned or distributed for profit. However, in North America and Europe we typically will not take action on YouTube videos or similar content. Monetization of Youtube videos is not something we consider, but we will demand the removal of any leaked footage as well as content that uses our properties in a malicious or inappropriate way. We will also typically not take action against works for personal use, school projects, portfolios, etc, as long as the work is not distributed for profit and our ownership of the copyright is acknowledged. Additionally, if you live in these territories and you have a YouTube video that was removed, please get in touch with our community team at communityteam so that we can look into it for you. Thank you, (Name blocked for certain purposes- no id thefts here today)  
SEGA of America Customer Service"

:3 So literally, I can still publish it...

FOR NONPROFIT. *evil grin*

Hell yeah. XD Anyone want a free Voca EBook soon?*raises kindle in the air*

Of course, I'll have to remove all the AN's, of it'll seem like a half-diary...

(Necessary!) DISCLAIMER! I don't own the letter above, nor any of the vocaloids. I only own the Title of Book 2, most of the storyline, and a few tweaks. SEGA owns da Vocas, and Sodamania and co. own the inspiration and song 'My Crush Was a Monster Boy'.

Enjoy.(Selfie note: 8.07)

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(Gumi PoV)

I felt like the world was falling. Falling, falling.

"How am I supposed to do this?!" I said hysterically. "It'll kill me!"

I can't do this. I would have to be blind, deaf, and stupid to even think it over. Not again. Never.

"No, it won't. Remember, you are the one who can change this entire scenario. If you don't do it, time itself will stop for us."

"Not again! It was horrid enough the first time!" There are tears falling down my cheeks as the white begins to become a light, streaked with sky blue.

"Remember, I'll be there for you..."

It changed a bit, to reveal the lines of people, the horrible stage, the guards...

"No way," I whispered. I was in the past?

"Do it," he whispered, before vanishing.

I trembled as I stepped back, realizing my position. I remember there being a guard short in the beginning.

I have to kill his past self, who is on the stage, about to be executed.

I am again at Piko's execution.

I run away from the stagefront before I remember that if I don't get up there within the next five minutes, someone else will be up there anyways.

But I can't do it like this, not at all.

I find a dusty mirror close to the stage.

Then, I shut my eyes and focus.

I need to change my appearance.

First, I visualize my hair being a light cinnamon brown. Then, my eyes turn from blue to brown. A chocolate brown.. Then, my wings vanish. My scars. Finally, when I open my eyes, there's a different girl looking out of the mirror, at me.

She is the adult innocence, in all its wonderfully rare glory.

And she's dressed as a guard.

Her silver jumpsuit is complete with a black belt and sheath to fit a katana, a knife, a gun, and a pistol. Only the katana's is filled.

It's the old sword.

And as I remember seeing the two men on the stage, I realize that the one guard was a woman- I was just too distracted. And my hair became shorter as I walked out onto the stage, fighting to stop myself from immediately freeing him from his chains, then running off and living in nonexistence, letting my past self live a happier life.

But they'd find him again eventually, wouldn't they?

Ruining my attempt to change things for the better.

As I took my place, on the left side of Piko to the crowd, I noticed that he didn't sense me at all. He didn't care.

This made my blade slip, and for a moment, I realized that my past self hadn't seen because she was looking eye to eye with the short little midget walking onstage.

I picked up my blade quickly, shuffling nervously. Butterflies were making a storm in my stomach, and my hands wouldn't stop shaking.

Piko looked over at me, but I only felt guilt, overwhelmingly horrid guilt. I tried to hide it, but he'd already noticed.

It hurt me to know how this was supposed to end.

As the fat midget droned on, I noticed my past self looking up towards the red sky. I cut my thumb on my blade when my hand slipped again.

Then, the policeman nodded for us to end the event.

I snatched a glance at the crowd, noticing the hooded, brunette girl behind my past self.

I didn't realize what this meant.

Then, I stepped forwards, my blade raising to my waist.

I knew that I was supposed to, but my heart was protesting in earnest.

Then, as our blades lowered, I noticed again the girl behind my past self.

As she made a blocking motion with her hand, I realized who she was and what she meant.

She would do what I couldn't, this future girl.

And I stopped it, blocked the other guard's blade, and crumpled to the ground, shaking violently as the red liquid coated the stage as my past self crumpled. Her neck was sliced cleanly in half. In a millisecond, my future self healed it enough to keep her alive before vanishing.

I can't do it.

I couldn't do it.

But she did.

And the white portal swipes me back up, sending me to another time.

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I land again at the same time. But my viewpoint has changed.

I'm behind my past self.

And I control my nerves, knowing what I need to do. I'm creeping up behind her, as I somehow managed to skip the preliminaries, or whatever they're called.

As the blades rise, I stand up before watching them begin to fall.

I make that X with my arms again.

Then, I feel a knife materialize in my hand as I swipe the air.

I look over to the greenette, then quickly heal most of her neck before stepping into the invisible portal.

I wonder if I'm supposed to be upset.

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When I land again, I'm back in my house. The sheer amount of dust is shocking. I sneeze, then pull my shirt over my nose and mouth before looking around.

It looks cold, unfriendly, haunted.

For a moment, I stand there silently.

Then I crumble to the ground, crying.

It hurts, but now I realize something- it was necessary.

Otherwise, it would have been worse.

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	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- Absent

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A/N: Why hello there. It's indeed me, back after a whole damn year and HOLY SHIT THIS STORY IS SMALL, THE SERIES ITSELF THO IS OVER 150 KB ON FILE

HOOOOOOOOLLLLYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIITTTT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Yes, I've been swearing more. Life gets shittier with me. Sorry.)

Anyways, I have something I want to ask for those of you that read the A/N EVERY TIME. It's important... What I want you guys to do is this: Go back to MCWAMB, and _SLAM_ that story. Like, drill that thing with every little flaw or missing bit, non-understandable bit you can find. Go back and if you think something wasn't described well enough, or it was unclear what I meant, or any little- _ANYTHING_\- Start yeling in the reviews. Like, _**'WHY IS THIS LIKE THIS (insert thing you don't understand)**_

_**THERE'S AN ERROR THERE AND AAJDVSHLA (insert possible error)'**_

I would love that. Like, "**THIS STORY SERIES IS A FUCKING WOOD BLOCK. I WANT YOUR HELP TO MAKE THIS FUCKING BLOCK OF WOOD INTO A NICE STATUE TO PUT ON MY WALL. NO FLAMES, THOUGH. I WANT IT TO LOOK NATURAL. HELP ME MAKE THIS PIECE OF SHIT INTO SOMETHING GOOD."**

...yeah I swear. :/ Cannot control it NO CONTROL ERROR *sirens*

Enjoy.

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My eyes are dry when I walk back into his room. My head is clear. My feelings are nonexistant.

He is beside me, ephemeral hand slipping in and out of mine as I walk down the hall, and I can feel the emptiness fill the places where there was pain.

I try to make myself stop thinking about that so much and pull myself back to the present a little, shifting my wings underneath my jacket. How the _hell_ did he put up with these for even a moment?

He chuckles beside me. _I didn't, really, they hurt like hell whenever they're compressed or not used for too long. But hey, could have been a lot worse. Just be glad they aren't feathered._ I hum in reply.

Shift them again. Was the hallway really this long last time?

We are silent the rest of the way there, and I relish it.

_I'll be out of sight. _

The door that holds nothing, nothing at all- other than wood. But it's making me stiffen.

_Go ahead._ Then I can't feel him anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I open it and walk inside.

Part of me reels. The other part of me cries. A third part of me classifies the person on the bed, down the room and a curtain that blocks me from seeing him from the doorway, as someone else entirely, not him.

I call this one Mem-Loss. Obvious, but I was still being stupid and sleepy when the title came to me. Not to mention in pain from attempting to sleep on wings after having worked and cleaned my house from the moment I returned.

For some reason Miku nor Rin had visited in that time, and from that point three days ago I would at least expect a pair of shoes. What's troubling, though, is that when I visited Miku's place yesterday, she wasn't there- and it was at six in the morning. A time when she's always at home.

I was still tired, so I resolved to investigate today.

But then this popped up- a nurse called yesterday, saying he was asking for me. Apparently his mother- Miriam- has disowned him, and I'm the second contact in his wallet to contact for emergencies.

He won't answer me when I ask him about it.

Keeping my face as sturdy as I can, I take deep, even breaths, trying to remind myself this shouldn't be permanent.

A conversation I had with him earlier comes to me again.

_"Is there any way to, you know..."_

_"Not that I know of. Our connection was formed off of memories. The only theory I can come up with is, in order to re-enact the connection between what I'm technically calling my body, you have to create similar memories with him and possibly... I'm not sure how to put this, thread power..? I guess. Maybe."_

_"Well, that's just weird. Is there some sort of amnesia function I can use to make this less awkward?"_

_"I don't think so and even if there was I wouldn't let you use it."_

_"Damn it."_

_He laughs. "Stop acting all moody, you look childish."_

_"So what?" He tries to stop, but shoving his ghostly fist in his mouth just causes him to choke. Oddly enough, I start coughing at that time._

_For a moment we are both trying to stop choking._

_When I stand again, a thought occurs to me. "Wait- what happens if you're stuck- uhm, in me or whatever... forever?"_

_This gives him pause._

_He bites his lip. I back up a little. Memory tells me getting closer will keep the information away from me. So I wait._

_"...Bit by bit it's one of two things- either I'll just be a spirit that is capable of being transferred from person to person... or I'll fade until I'm no longer capable of simple thought, and just a general mass of energy and memory. Possibly at the most instinct or feeling, no actual words or independence- I'll just meld into you until you can't tell the difference."_

_I can't even breathe anymore._

_"And I think it's more likely going to be the second one because recently... it's been hard for me to remember words. I've been digging in your memory for them. Soon even that much could be beyond me." He grimaces. We both know that no sort of petty 'it'll be okay's will work. Even so, I know he at least wants to try because I'm shaking. And trying- note the key word is _try_\- to stop._

_I can't think._

_It is multiple minutes of still silence._

_Finally, I say quietly- "By estimate, how long do you have?"_

_"Five weeks at most. If I'm lucky."_

I wipe my face free of the small bout of fear that tried to overcome me. Because he could very well be right. Recently he's been becoming more and more silent, preferring to just watch, occasionally asking me what something means because it slipped from him again.

Something lances through the bottom of my heart, icy and painful. I feel... lost.

I shove it all down and keep walking until I'm at the foot of his bed and past the curtain.

He's sleeping- good. I didn't want to come over and see him awake, staring at me with his eyes- which were, for some reason, currently different from their normal blue. Now they were a shining, cold silver, that pierced me from within every time I thought about them. It made me drain, lose all reasons to keep trying. I don't know why, but every time I see anything made of a certain type of metal- a pair of scissors, a kitchen knife, a utility blade, even just the handrails that are all over the handicapped bathrooms- it reminds me of these lifeless, calculating eyes. They hold no passion, no... drive. No humanity.

I stopped myself from running and simply cleared my throat before shifting.

Somehow he hears it, and he begins to stir. It takes all of my self-control to stay put as he blinks, then pushes himself into a sitting position, rubbing his eyes.

Something aches. It's a familiar motion- one I saw him make hundreds of times from a bedroom doorway.

Pulling myself back, I look at the silver eyed stranger on the bed. He is now looking at me.

For a moment, he doesn't speak. But only for a moment. "Gumi, right?"

I wish the floor would swallow me right now. My knees threaten to give in, but I cross my legs and concentrate on keeping my breathing even. "Yeah."

"You... have wings?"

I feel the stinging. But something tells me that this- his hurting me- is completely unintentional.

I nod.

"Can I see them?" The simplicity in his voice is matched with equally void eyes. I decide to lock away my emotions. It might make this easier.

Completely steady, I shrug off the coat I made- something I discovered, and Piko says he had no idea that was possible- and open my wings a little.

I bite back a moan, because stretching these muscles feels natural, good. Something that turns me cold.

Because it reminds me of that conversation every time I think of them now.

He motions me a little closer, and hesitantly I do- but then I realize my feelings are back. Whoops.

I steady myself and go closer, keeping my face even blanker than his.

Slowly, he draws fingers over them, cold fingers that seem just as icy as his eyes. I stand patiently as he looks at them, feels the bone, and when he's done he just drops his hands back to his lap. I pull back, to the foot of the bed, which tames my unruly heart.

For the moment.

He says in that same blank voice, "You said you got them by... transferring... my pain from me? I don't know what you mean. You said worries, but I don't remember anything like that. I don't really know you either. All anyone can say to me is, 'You'll be okay'. Give me something other than the same line over and over, please."

I feel my emotions crumble and the ice from his eyes takes over my body.

He... doesn't care how he's acting.

I can't even really think of a reply. I search for anything the actual Piko would say, and nothing matches up.

And for some reason I can't find him.

Internally, every alarm bell is being rung at a deafening volume, but externally I'm the image of calm and content.

"It's not something you'd understand with a simple story said in ten minutes." The words roll from my tongue like glass, smooth on one side but sharp and cutting on another. I don't know where they're coming from, but I let them continue. Auto-pilot for humans now exists. At a nice cost of sanity and comfort, of course- affordable, but there is a cost for delivery if you're not a member.

"Try me."

"I don't want to."

He stares at me relentlessly. "Then how could you make me understand?"

"I don't know. Maybe by a picture." My emotions try to force their way into that one, and I have to fight back.

"A... picture?"

"Sure. I'll paint you a pretty picture and tell you my life story." ...And I'm losing. The words are sharp, tainted with something I don't recognize. For some reason I smile then.

"Well, if you can. I want to know _something_."

I almost laugh. But then I reply, "Oh, don't worry. You'll know everything about me since you want to."

He says shortly, "Good."

RIght then, my walls take in a little bit of info I hadn't seen before.

He doesn't percieve emotions anymore. Words are just words to him. Faces are just odd expressions that are occasionally tagged along. Sarcasm has no meaning to him.

He can't read emotions.

lllllllllllll**************llllllllllllll


End file.
